Dealing with not being selected

Last month’s WOX article discussed how best to deal with selection, a hot topic particularly in this crunchy point of the racing season. This month we want to broach a more difficult subject, one that is often not talked about: how to deal with the pain of not being selected.

Over the last three Olympiads, I have been unsuccessful in my campaign to be selected as the Olympic cox for the women’s eight. Yes, you read that right. So, am I a failure? Absolutely not.

Every time I donned a Great Britain vest, I won a medal. In fact, the only race left on my radar to win a medal at is the Olympics. That seems like a pretty decent career to me. 

So often in life we talk about the highs, and completely miss out the lows. The Instagram vs reality. When it comes to selection as a coxswain, the reality is only one coxswain gets the seat. That means far more coxswains don’t get selected than do, and nobody gives you a cheat sheet for when you find yourself in this situation.

The truth is it sucks. However, there is huge opportunity in the situation, and if approached with the right attitude and mindset, you can find yourself growing and coming back stronger than before. That’s why in this article, I’m going to tell you exactly how not to get selected: 

1. Define failure. What’s your definition of failure? To me, failure is the inability to take responsibility for one’s performances or actions. Hindsight will offer you the greatest chance to see where you could have done better, when you didn’t perform so well, and what areas of growth and opportunity there are ahead of you. Set goals that allow you to pragmatically develop areas where you didn’t quite meet the benchmark. For example, if you struggled with your tone during racing and ended up a one-tone-shouting-horn the whole time, try organising racing-type situations in training where you can experiment with doing new things and record your voice. Having a good old cox in the shower is a great place to hear how you sound as it echoes back at you! We are what we repeatedly do, so practising in a controlled environment will help you to perform better under pressure.
   
2. Re-define success. Success isn’t as binary as people make out. If you’re done everything you can, delivered the best you could do at that moment in time, then you have been successful. Weighing everything on whether you win or lose means you’re likely to be very unsuccessful in life. No win is too small. If you’re improving, you’re winning. Check out our webinar on Re-defining success from the British Rowing Coaches Week for more details.
   
3. Accept how you feel. It was heart-breaking not be selected for the Paris Olympics. You can bet I felt every second of it. With that acceptance, comes strength, understanding and growth. It takes time to deal with defeat and the personal deflation that comes with it, but it pays dividends to be mindful of how fortunate you are to feel so deeply about something. Intentionally notice and name your emotions. Spending time with, and being curious about, your feelings will not only elevate your emotional intelligence, but will allow you to decide steps forward and define the mode in which you get back in the saddle. See the feelings wheel for a little help on naming them!
   

4. Stick to your style. Sometimes we start to do things someone else’s way, especially in coxing. Remaining true to our authentic self is what enables us to perform at our best. We’re not looking for carbon copies. Technical understanding, boat feel and strategic performance are all critical aspects of coxing, but the best coxswains allow their personality to be a part of their performance strategy. 

5. Develop your understanding of psychology. This will help you to strategise how to deal with the natural turbulence of training, racing, and life, and give you the skills to progress. ‘Drop the struggle’ by Dr. Alison Maitland is an example of a great book to equip you with these skills and will start you off in the right direction (other books are available). Even simple meditative breathing techniques can be a game changer in your own, and your crews, performance. 

Life is full of curveballs. What’s liberating is that we get to decide how to deal with them. 

Morgan 

WOX

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